Emily’s Story

Posted on 14 March 2023


Female veterans we interviewed had unique transitional experiences. These range from how female veterans interact with charities, how they think about their legacies of military service, to how they identify themselves whether as civilian, veteran, or other. These stem from the different experiences of military life that many female veterans have compared to their male colleagues. Some female veterans we interviewed looked back on their time in a positive light, however, others have very much struggled within the same environment. Of those, experiences of sexual harassment, a lack of accountability from the chain of command, and a culture of impunity, have hugely influenced how they approach the concept of veteranhood. The importance of understanding these experiences cannot be ignored, as they play a significant factor in how our female veteran community interacts with governmental, societal, and charitable endeavours. 

One of the veterans that we interviewed, Emily*, spoke about her experiences in the Royal Navy. Key themes emerged that were those of a culture of impunity, where despite being sexually harassed on a near-daily basis, no action was taken. Emily noted that even during training, this sexual harassment was common.  

“You find that men instantly are taught in Raleigh that wrens are sluts, that we are just going to be slept with, that we are walking vaginas. You start hearing ‘wren’s arse’.” 

She talked about how these sorts of events were not only common, but normalized within the Navy. When talking about joining her first ship, she found the environment to be extremely hostile, with those in command taking advantage of the newly enlisted and abusing their positions of power. In reference to a senior enlisted personnel, she noted how he made her feel trapped: 

 “That’s when he said to me, “I know you are going to be alone here tonight. You are going to be mine for the rest of the trip””  

After numerous occasions like this, she attempted to take action, however, could not find anyone willing to support her.  

“…I was just mortified, I rang people up in the mess but everyone was drunk, told the office day on the gangway, told the gangway staff, they were like, “Oh yeah, typical [name]”. The officer day was just more concerned…., he was laughing, he just asked about the highlights in my hair. He didn’t want to know anything about it.” … “But when the first lieutenant spoke to me and the DO, it’s like they just didn’t care. “Why would you want to ruin a man’s career?”” 

When we asked her about how she identifies herself nowadays in relation to being a veteran, she answered in the negative.  

“When Remembrance Day came, even though it was a month before my board, I just had no empathy at all, and I just think to myself now sometimes, I think to myself that when I meet men or when I meet veterans I think you could have just been like the men that I met on board.” … “Once I leave, that’s me, I want to leave. I think I’d have to never be associated with them again,” 

Indeed, we have learned that experiences like these even shape how veterans interact with government support agencies and veterans’ charities. As Emily says when she went to a major veterans’ charity, she found the same toxic environment as when she was in the military.  

“I see the drinking culture come out, I see the sexist comments, it’s just full of men, all white men of a certain age and it’s that drinking culture, it’s the slang that they use, slit-arse is what they call women, they are openly calling us cunts.” … “I think that’s why I’ve never signed up for any of these veterans charities.” 

These insights have given us clear information that the one-size-fits-all approach to veterans’ affairs currently taken by the government does not work. Viewing a successful transition as focused on gaining employment or housing, while important, is clearly at odds with those who have experienced trauma within the military, and struggle to identify with veterans and should not be expected to define themselves in this way. Those wanting to distance themselves from a military identity may not want to approach a military charity for support so we must ensure other avenues are available. Initiatives that celebrate military service and seek to increase public support, such as Armed Forces Day, may actually serve to widen the gulf of understanding between veterans and the rest of society, making transition more challenging.   

While we recognise that engaging with charitable organisations can be challenging specialist help and advice for female veterans who have experienced trauma within the military is available from Salute Her UK, a specialist charity dedicated to supporting and advocating for women who have been harassed or sexually abused during their service. 

https://www.forward-assist.com/salute-her 

 

*All names and personal details have been changed to protect the identities of our interviewees. 

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